loss

Posted by admin | May 30, 2018

The dogs and cat (and by extension, my wife and I) have lost someone. My wife's cousin and friend that I have known longer than my wife, Rob, has been living with us since February. He passed away unexpectedly in our home a couple of weeks ago. My wife, Zailey, Milo, Jynx and I miss him terribly. We've had a hard time dealing with the loss.

Every morning, Zailey sniffs at Rob's door. It used to be that she would knock on that door if he were there. Now she turns away and runs downstairs looking for him.

Milo has lost a couch pal. He has been looking out the window in hopes of seeing him again. Thus, he sees more strangers walking by and starts growling at them which causes Zailey to bark her high pitched shrill that I just love (not).

Jynx has had freedom these last few months to go outside without a leash under Rob's eye. He now has to rely on my wife and I to allow him out. We are home less and unable to comply as often as Rob would. Last week, Jynx was outside late at night and became scared for some reason. The dogs came out and a huge fight was started. Zailey got a scratch on her nose and Jynx was bleeding from his hind feet and tail. Now we don't let Jynx out after dark.

The other night, Zailey was messing around with the hallway desk. I thought she was playing with the string from a laundry bag laying on the desk. Instead, she managed to get a pair of Rob's glasses and brought them to the middle of the living room. My wife stopped her and took the glasses away before she made them into a chew toy. Zailey went back and grabbed something else off the desk.

I haven't felt like doing a lot lately. I was already behind on posting in my blog, but I still found more excuses to not write. And it hasn't just been my blog. I've been dragging my feet to write a new chapter or short story. Heck, I've even been putting off doing some of the rewrites that I need to do. My nightmares and dark places in my mind are my usual inspiration. It seems that the darkness of my loss has enveloped my creative sources. I've thought about fictionalizing my account of finding Rob and the ensuing things that happened. I doubt such a piece would make it into my next collection of short stories, but it might help me get over Rob's passing. Or it might just make me dwell on this unpleasant part of my life and push me further down the rabbit hole. That, I'll have to think about some more.

Eventually, things will get back to some semblance of normal. I'm not sure what that will look like, but Zailey, Milo, Jynx, my wife, and I will heal.

Rob's obit is posted here if you care to look.